WTF was that SOTU?

Highlights:

• Longest State of the Union in history, 2 hours. He loves to hear himself :)

• The economy sucks because of Biden, even though it was projected to grow 2 - 4% two weeks ago before Trump started talking about batshit crazy tariffs

• Trans athletes are a bigger problem than our tanking economy based on the minutes allotted to either issue

• We're going to war with Greenland and Panama soon. Or maybe not.

• Tariffs are boring as fuck (please don't make me fact check this shit!) but you only need to do thirty seconds of research to find out Trump lies about tariffs like everything else. I promise - use ChatGPT. It's a topic he's sure MAGA won't check him on - and he's right. But the markets are checking him...

What struck me about the lead-up to the State of the Union was the sense of normalcy the media was applying to the event. Enter: Robert F Kennedy who looks like he's been attending a 300-year long burning man festival.

That bitch-slapped me back into reality.

Democrats had an uneven appearance and virtually no visible resistance - some missing, some in black suits, some in pink suits, and Al Green wagging a gold cane (more on that later). Democrats can't you get your shit together around a consistent plan? I was better than this at group projects in grad school.

Trump proclaimed "America is back" and that this is the "Golden Age of America".

Let's talk about that.

Orangutan declared: "Our confidence is back" and Americans think our country is headed in the right direction, the biggest swing ever... Trump claimed the second term of his presidency was the most successful in our nation's history and the late great George Washington (!) ranked number two. Not sure who's doing the ranking there, but what the hell, we'll give him a bogie. Between Trump's hair and George Washington's wooden teeth, you'd have one hell of a brats doll. So back to our Golden Age and Americans thinking our country is headed in the right direction:

"Our country is on the verge on a comeback the likes of which the world has never seen and may never see again"....

The jeers started, and Trump started losing his cool. Al Greene refused to sit and was removed from the chamber by the Sergeant of Arms. Nobody could understand what the hell he was saying but he was most certainly wagging a gold handled cane at Trump until removed. Al Green's cane wagging is the most opposition I've seen so far, but he very well could have been complaining about his T-Mobile bill, too. We'll never know.

Trump bragged about working against climate change regulation and leaving the UN Human Rights Council. Yay! According to Trump, the Paris Climate Accords cost the US "trillions". In reality, the Paris Climate Accords costs the US $1 billion per year (it's actually not even annual, it has to be allocated) - if the Green Climate Fund is fully funded. When Trump withdrew from the agreement in 2017, the US had contributed $1 billion to the fund and Obama contributed $3 billion. That's a far, far cry from trillions (like a fraction of a percent far cry), but it is consistent with his and Elon's tendency to throw trios of zeros on the end of numbers. Think: How many red hat voters know how many zeroes 1 billion has? All of my chips are on very, very few.

Also, did JD Vance drink a bottle of red wine before the SOTU? What's up with them Oregon Trail teeth? (Xennial reference)

While announcing we're not taking any more people claiming asylum, he announced a new Gold Card plan to bring more millionaires into the country (the card apparently will cost $5M and grant citizenship. They’re calling it the super diamond luxe elite green card. Except gold.) Just what we need! More billionaires and millionaires. This was handpicked to get Russian oligarchs into the country…because Trump’s a Russian asset.

Also notable: "Government workers will either show up in person or be removed from their job". Just gonna drop this here:

From the Trump Golf Track as of March 4, 2025

"I've stopped all government censorship and brought back free speech in America"

Same day Tweet earlier today:

"I signed an order making English the official language of the United States of America"

Thank God, I was having trouble getting to work with all the Mandarin road signs. Really hard to read those characters going 70mph.

"I renamed the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America"

No, you didn't actually. The Gulf of Mexico is an international body of water and even if most news agencies, Bing, Apple and Google are too chicken-shit to abide by basic Geographic laws of gravity, it doesn't mean you did anything. You just gave some chicken feed to rednecks that can hoo-rah the next time they visit the redneck riviera...Literally changes nothing.

"I renamed Mt. Denali Mt. McKinley"

Thank Christ! I was having to take melatonin to get through this one, and I can finally stop.

Ended the tyranny of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion policies, says a near octogenarian spray tanned baboon masquerading as a president.

In DEI we learn to treat people like him fairly and equitably, not be ageist, nor judge for the color of thine orange dermis…instead of pointing fingers and buckling over in laughter.

"I signed an order to prevent men from playing in women's sports."

They used some porky blonde girl in the gallery named "Payton" who got hit in the head with a volleyball by...a trans volleyball player on her own team? And got a traumatic brain injury as a result? So he's making women's volleyball great again. I distincly remember that campaign promise.

Then he went on with track, boxing, cycling, and harangued trans people breaking records in sports. We all know this is a burning issue in our country as we all directly know a professional trans athlete, amiright?

It's estimated trans people make up 0.5% to 0.6% of society, but Trump dedicated at least 15 minutes talking about it. That's because trans people, like the Gulf of America, are a distraction and one that is a hallmark issue for uninformed rural voters and boomers that like to rally around culture war issues that aren’t real. It's like saying nobody should be setting military uniforms on fire at the steps of your local church…haven't seen it but know I’m angry now! Democrats need a boogie man, too. Let's tell them MAGA wants to get rid of all app-store slot machine games. People would grab their pitchforks so fast!!

Trump then blamed his poor economic performance on Biden, including the price of eggs. Weird, he didn't take credit for the GDP growth that was projected for Q1 immediately before he tanked the economy with his half-baked (generous) high school economics (more generous) tariff project (snore).

"A model utilized by the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta updated Monday to forecast an even steeper economic contraction, after first showing negative growth in its update last Friday. The Atlanta Fed's GDPNow model had, up until the Feb. 28 update, been forecasting growth between 2-4% in line with most other models." - Source

Trump continues to parade the family of Laken Riley around DC as an example of crimes illegal immigrants commit. In reality, US citizens are far more dangerous:

The Cato Institute said undocumented citizens commit crimes at 63% lower rates than US citizens and legal immigrants 87% lower than US citizens. Let's take Texas just for kicks:

On the other hand, when was the last time you heard Democrats speak and bring up victims of mass shootings? (Seriously, where the fuck are the Democrats?)

Then he started the tariff chatter...tariffs and tax talk put me to sleep, but if you dig in just an inch, it's a sea of lies like most of his mouth flatulence. Bear with me:

He said South Korea charges 4x in tariffs on US products going into South Korea than the US does on South Korean goods being imported into the US. In reality, South Korea eliminated 95% of tariffs on US imports in 2012. According to the World Trade Organization, the average South Korean tariff on US imports is 4% and the US tariff on South Korean imports is 2.4%. This is just one example of his lies - no need to call them all out.

Trump proposed getting rid of the Chips Act (because Biden passed it). He took credit for Taiwan's recent investment in the US...but in reality the Chips Act under the Biden Administration is what started this investment for both Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) and Samsung in Arizona and Austin, respectively, generating an estimated 115,000 jobs. Horrible, right? I’ve seen that Samsung plant being built - it’s insanely big and it was under construction before agent orange assumed the position.

Footnote: Just going through the folks clapping for Trump in the gallery and behind the podium, does it seem like an abnormal proportion may have come from pregnant mothers drinking grain alcohol out of a measuring cup?

Sounds like Trump's also threatening to retake the Panama Canal from Panama. Because Carter shouldn’t have given it to…*checks notes*…Panama? You can see the serious faces when Trump announced this, and he shoveled all the blame for whether it succeeds or fails on...poor little Marco!

Trump also threatened to take Greenland, which is part of Denmark. "We're gonna get it, one way or the other we'll get it." What is the other way? Rolling our tanks across the glaciers? Are we gonna send the marines to Nuuk? Shoot missiles into the icebergs? Do red-hat voting MAGA voters know where Greenland is? Do they know it belongs to Denmark? Do they know what Nuuk is? D) none of the above on my scan-tron.

Then came the Ukraine talk. Trump publicly blackmailing Zelenskyy to humiliate himself for aid is a master class in how to be a narcissistic dickweasel, and it's heart wrenching since Zelenskyy needs the aid. But hear me - this will not end well for Zelenskyy...because as I've said, Trump is a Russian asset. Zelenskyy is correct that partnerships are more important than their leaders, but Trump is a Russian asset. Asking for aid to beat Russia from a Russian asset will not end well for Ukraine.

That’s all for now - Peace.

T